What gives men the right to ____?

Fill in the blank for yourself.

What gives men the right to ...
- be a jerk?
- think the world revolves around them?
- hit a woman?

Those are three answers that can describe ONE person in our household. You would probably initially guess that this person is one of the younger guys, but in fact, these describe the elder "gentleman" of the house.

Yes, our 50-year-old dad is best described by these questions. And what gives him the right to do these things? Well, your guess is as good as mine. So what exactly has been happening since I last wrote of our house dynamics?

Well, I feel like I'm back on Survivor Island: Hendrefoelan. Everything had been going along quite well - everyone was being pleasant & happy & no trouble. I have no clue what triggered everything, but all of a sudden the proverbial shit hit the fan. Ravi seemed to be picking fights with everyone, but Ayan & I seemed to be the biggest targets.

We'll discuss my battles first because they are peanuts compared to the row with Ayan. Ravi, one day, asked me what I planned on doing after I finished at UWS. I told him about the job offer in Germany that I hadn't accepted at the time. He, of course, told me I should move back home & get married. Well, we all know that went over well with me. But I was good - I didn't lash out. I just left the kitchen. So I avoided him for some time because he just ticks me off ... all the time. Then last week, he asked if I had accepted the position in Germany. I had & told him so. He immediately started in on needing an escape clause because he didn't think I would like it because I would get homesick & would want to move home & get married. Whatever. Hence the comment - I will stay there for a year. I do not need an escape clause & if I can live with you all for a year, I can do anything for a year. Yes, I think I shocked him. He merely shook his head & left the kitchen. We were even.

Now, Ayan's battles. Poor Ayan! And for me to say that says a lot because I really don't care for her in many aspects. Though Ayan often acts like a princess, she has greatly toned it down since she went home at Christmas. She's been much more pleasant & less of a nuisance though she still has her quirks that grate on my nerves. Anyway, that's beside the point. I think this all started last week. Ayan went out with some friends & proceeded to misjudge her limitations on alcohol & came home appropriately sloshed. (Much of the following information was gained from Freddy who witnessed the entire thing.) Apparently her friends drove her own, but could not get her out of the car. So they knocked on Freddy's window & asked if he could help them get her out of the car into bed. Freddy & Ravi came out of the house to get her, but Ayan locked herself in the backseat of the car. Ravi called security who "dragged her out like an animal" according to him. Ayan proceeded to get sick & Freddy, trained as an EMT & working with the Red Cross, immediately assumed the role of caretaker. He eventually got her to bed a few hours later. Of course, Ravi is standing there the entire time. The following morning, I see him in the kitchen & he proceeds to tell me all about it (I had already heard it from Freddy the night it happened). Ravi's version & Freddy's were completely different & I have to say I believe Freddy's version.

Then on Sunday, I was in my room doing work. Again, Freddy provided the information to this incident as he was present (as was his girlfriend). Freddy was in the kitchen looking for a pan to cook dinner in for he & Pipper. Ayan was in there eating & Ravi was there as well. Ravi went looking for a pan (which have been disappearing & I'm beginning to think he is taking them but I could be wrong). He started going through all the cabinets. When he opened Ayan's, Ayan told him it was her cabinet & he was not welcome to look in it. Ravi apparently got upset at the tone of voice Ayan used & raised his hand to Ayan like he was going to hit her & came close until Freddy went off on him. Ravi supposedly told Freddy that the reason he DIDN'T strike Ayan was because he was a gentleman. Freddy's comment was that he were a gentleman, he never would have raised his hand to her to begin with. One point for Freddy on that quick retort!

On Tuesday, yet another incident that I was able to hear, not witness. Matt & I had eaten dinner while Ayan was cooking. Once we were finished, we cleaned up & went to do work. Before I left, Ravi walked in. I had opened the windows because Ayan was cooking something really spicy. What happened next is complete guesswork on my part - from my own opinions & stories from various other people. While I was in my room, less than 5 minutes later, I heard Ayan screaming. I must say for such a little girl, she has a set of lungs! Then I heard some of her Chinese friends yelling at her no open the door & she came out crying & then left. I went downstairs to see what had happened & Ravi stood in the doorway with a little smile on his face, which I thought was quite odd as I hardly see him smile. He asked if "she" had come up to my room- guessing he meant Ayan, I said no, she hadn't. When Ayan eventually came back, I went down to check on her. Our other Chinese housemate Lan & one of the tutors (like an RA) were in the kitchen talking to Ayan. I asked Ayan what had happened. When Ravi came into the kitchen, he had pulled the drapes shut. Ayan opened them. Ravi shut them. Apparently they had a battle over the drapes being opened or shut. When Ayan went to open them again, Ravi grabbed her arm (leaving a small bruise) & raised his hand to her. That was when she screamed. Now, what Ravi is telling everyone is that Ayan hit him first, which I don't see as plausible because I have NEVER seen Ayan go to strike someone & her culture dictates that she respect men. Hence, she probably did not hit him until he grabbed her & hitting him was in self defense.

So the tutor asked if Freddy & I would be able the following night so they could speak to a neutral party. I said I was but wasn't sure about Freddy. After the tutor left, I texted Freddy & told him what had happened, so he stopped by the tutors' house before coming home. Freddy's biggest fear is that Ravi may strike one of the other women in the house & suggested that I might be next since Ravi & I argue often. (Though I think if Ravi went to strike me, he wouldn't know who or what he was dealing with as he has yet to see my red-headed temper.) One of the tutors stopped by Wednesday to get my view of the story & to comment on the dynamics of the house since we moved in September. I, of course, had to let her know that Ravi has never liked Ayan, always describing her as a savage or an animal.

Now we await the tutors' decision as to what happens next. There is the potential that Ravi could be moved out of the house, which would delight all of us. But the tutor who met with me said there is a good chance that Ravi may not be in the wrong. So we are all to be on our "best" behavior & we are to make sure that Ayan is never in the kitchen alone with Ravi. Now I have become a baby-sitter on top of being the mother which is quite ridiculous & unnecessary. I honestly hope that Ravi will be kicked out - I do not see why he continues to live in a house with 7 other younger (in their 20s) students. There are plenty of vacancies in other university managed residencies that are more conducive to an older man & his studies. And I think what irks me the most is that he tells his wife about EVERYTHING that happens in the house - including Ayan's drunken behavior & my argument with him. And of course he probably spins the stories to fit his view, which his wife will in turn believe. And it makes me wonder if he has ever struck his wife, but I doubt he has because she is probably a very passive housewife. And if he says various things to me about what I should do when he doesn't even know me, I wonder how he treats his 2 daughters. I am sure that as soon as they graduate college, they will be married off to some male chauvinist pig who thinks like their father. Such a sad fate when the oldest is absolutely brilliant & is a just turned 17-year-old freshman at Brown University's computer science department. Guess she won't go to graduate school because her place is in the home.

So what entitles men to hit a woman? His own sense of superiority? Or is he justified?

I'll let you know what the outcome of the whole saga is.

On a lighter note, I received a really awesome quote from a dear friend, Carlos. When talking about marriage, he said - "The famous and really cool New York socialite, Brooke Astor, once said: 'I married beneath me - Every woman does.'"